Something Good for Me

Back in about January or February of this year, I had decided that I was tired of my school. Granted, I had only been there for 6 months I knew that it was not a place I wanted to be. Yes, I know, high school is a place no one wants to be. But, as for me, I had no interest in the high school experience. I had very little people i would talk to, i would walk to classes by myself and have the select few that i would eat lunch with. My social life consists of people outside of my school. So, i decided that for once in my life i wanted to do something to do help myself. I was not going to let myself be miserable. By this time basically every waking moment of my life was spent with abby and karly. The idea of me switching schools popped into my head and the more i began talking about it, the more i began to enjoy the idea of me switching schools to be with them. Finally, after a lot of hard convincing, i had convinced my mom that i wanted to transfer. By the last week of school my transfer was sent in.
As the summer came and is now going fast, i realized that i just have no interest in entering a high school. So, i decided to throw out the idea of online school. Within a week or two of me talking to my mom about it, i came to the conclusion that online school was now the best option for me. As of today, i am now enrolled in online school. It really didn't take much thinking for me to realize that this is the best decision i have made for myself in 6 years. I am now ecstatic about the idea of online school.
That being said I've obviously been given many opinions on what people think of this. All being completely negative. (my sister won't even gladly support me, knowing it is something that is going to make my life easier) I told myself that this is what i want, and that if people choose to not support me, then they don't care enough about me. Yes, i could be jeopardizing my whole social life. But i wouldn't change who i spend my time with for anything. I love the people in my life, and if they care about me as much as i care about them, i know they will stick around. But normally i would take all of everyone's opinions and run each one through my head multiple times, convincing myself that my decision is wrong. There has not been one thought that has crossed my mind after hearing their opinions that makes me want to change my mind. Which if you know me, you know it's a pretty big step. I'm finally able to make a decision on my own without caring about the fact that others may disagree. I cherish everyone's opinions. But in the end i know what is best for me. So, please cross your fingers in hope that i am able to succeed in this program, i have complete faith that i can.

"The Quiet Things That no one ever Knows"

No matter what I seem to do or say, I can't change the fact that i'm unhappy with things in my life. Aren't we all in this same position though? Time is such a critical thing, and I get that it's important to just live life and be accepting of new things. Though, there is so much more to this life. I want to be able to graduate high school and move toward the career, that at this point i can only dream of. I let fear be a driving force in my life. I fear that in the end everyone will leave me and I will be forced to continue on by myself. Of course I have the capability and strength to do so, but I want to share my life with people. I'm the type of person to take the time to enjoy the littlest things. Although, I choose to not expect those moments. Of course there are things that I know I deserve and want to have but I don't expect life to hand them to me or even let me have any piece of them. I'm not one to go out and get whatever I want till I have it, because I just don't even know how to do so. I can be stubborn and completely convince myself that i'm deserving of something, but somehow that stubbornness doesn't allow me to move forward to getting it. If I knew how to force myself to put myself out there to be successful in achieving the things i want, i would be so much more content with my state of mind.